I'm running my first marathon...send help! 😆

Why do I want to run a marathon? Well, I've always wanted to do it and, as I'm turning 50 in November, this felt like as good a time as any!

On 28 September this year, I'll be running the Loch Ness Marathon. I’ve run half marathons before, but 26.2 miles is a whole new challenge, and I’ll need all the help I can get. I’m raising money for three charities close to my heart that will get an equal share of whatever the final total is.

Here is a little bit of my story and why I'm doing this (friendly warning- it's not an easy read so if you are going through some stuff right now or feeling fragile you might want to skip the rest)...

Eight days after my 17th birthday, my mum Margaret died of cancer on 10 November 1992 at the age of 43, having fought it for three years.

My relationship with her at that time was dominated by my teenage angst and rebellion, and her coping with cancer treatment and end of life care. These unresolved issues made her illness and death even more difficult for me to cope with. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent when you are still a child, even in the best of circumstances. My world collapsed in front of me and I spiralled into several years of overwhelming grief, self-destruction and personal recklessness just as I moved into adulthood and university life. I never got to know my mum as a person in her own right. She never got to live to the age of 50, or do something just for herself, something like running a marathon.

In her final days she was cared for at home by Marie Curie nurses, who sat with her through the night to keep her comfortable, and gave the family rest. The compassion and dignity they bring to people at the end of life is invaluable. I’m running this because she couldn't and I'm doing it to raise money for Marie Curie Scotland.

Around eleven years later in 2004, at the age of 28, I became pregnant with twins through IVF after several years of fertility treatment.  The elation of this success was quickly replaced with horror when in the 25th week of my pregnancy I suffered a placental abruption that led me to have major internal bleeding and foetal distress for both babies. I had an emergency caesarean section under general anaesthetic and my son Thomas and daughter Erin were born just one minute apart, 14 weeks and 1 day early on 1 July 2004. So began the darkest and most agonising days, weeks and months of my life. Thomas stayed in SCBU where he had a VERY bumpy ride for 3.5 months before coming home, but Erin lived only 22 days. The first time I ever held her in my arms was to say goodbye while Thomas was fighting for his life in the incubator next to her.

Erin's life of only 3 weeks was so very short and I will never know who she was, what her voice sounded like, what things she liked, what she could have become. She would have celebrated her 21st birthday this year. Would she have been adventurous and determined like me and sought out life's challenges to keep her busy? I'll never know...I'm running this marathon for Erin because she never had the choice to do it or the chance to live her own life.

The pain of losing a child is beyond words. SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) supported me when my world fell apart once again. Their work helps so many bereaved families and I want to help them in return by raising money running this marathon.

In 2024, my wife Siobhan was diagnosed with Primary Biliary Cholangitis (PBC), a rare autoimmune liver disease that can slowly damage the bile ducts. It was a shock for us both during what was a difficult few years for lots of reasons. Siobhan has been amazingly strong and is now receiving the treatment and ongoing care she needs. The PBC Foundation has been and will continue to be a great source of support and information, and I will be raising money for them too.

I'm going to need all the help I can get to see me through the training, the days when I just don't want to run, the self-doubt gremlins in my head, and the physical pain and exhaustion.  I'm good at having a word with myself, but doing it with my mum, Erin and Siobhan in mind is going to see me through to the finish line.

Thank you so much for any support—whether a donation or a motivational message. Every bit helps and will mean a lot to me. 🤩

And just a final thought...these are difficult emotional memories for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk about them so please feel free to ask me! We all have our story, we have all experienced pain and loss.  And if reading a little bit of my life experience has brought up something difficult for you please do consider sharing that with someone you trust.