Mike’s Big Sleepout

I am sleeping out to raise vital funds for Just ‘B’ bereavement and wellbeing support and Harrogate Homeless Project - two local charities needing as much help as possible during difficult times. If you can, please consider making a donation as I brave the elements and swap my comfy bed for the night.

I am doing this, not just because I have the honour to work for and represent Just ‘B’ - I also have personal experience of using the Just ‘B’ service.

The photo at the top of my page is of me and my dad, taken when I was 19 years old, before I moved away from East London, where I grew up to study at university in York.

My dad was my best mate. We would go to the football. I’d learn skills like how to wire a plug (my dad was an electrician). We’d go on fishing trips. He’d embarrass me in front of friends, gaining him legendary status to which they still talk about to this day. He was always joking and was your typical cockney wide boy… He was also addicted to alcohol.

Eventually his addiction would get out of control and following Christmas 2007 he was admitted to hospital after having a fall. He later would end up in intensive care, and on my birthday, New Year’s Eve in 2007, the decision was made to switch off his machine.

For years afterwards I struggled to come to terms with losing my father in the way that I did. My own relationships at home were sometimes becoming difficult as I struggled to come to terms with what happened. I was in the depths of grief. Grief that I had never felt like it before.

Some years later after moving to Harrogate, I found out about Just ‘B’. I felt like a fraud for seeking help with my grief at the time as several years had passed, but the team at Just ‘B’ made me feel comfortable and reassured me that everyone copes with big life events, such as losing a parent very differently. After a few 1-2-1 sessions I was discharged feeling more in control and able to understand what and why I might be feeling things about my father’s death in the way that I did.

I used to think “could I have done more?” and “did me moving away cause dad to drink more?” The truth is I will never know, but I am now able to think rationally and see past blaming myself. I owe that to Just ‘B’.

It is still as painful as it was all of those years ago and if I think deeply, I can picture and even smell the hospital ward as it was on the day. However, I feel I am able to rationalise things, something I believe I have been able to take away from my Just 'B' counselling sessions.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and if you have donated, thank you from the bottom of my heart! It will keep me going in the, what looks like it is going to extremely wet early hours!