Sam's journey to France

15 years ago our family suffered the devastating loss of my oldest sister Clare to suicide. A free spirit, and creative soul, Clarey struggled to find her place in the world and had experienced tragedy and mental health difficulties for much of her adult life.

As a family we were shattered by the loss. At the time, conversations about suicide and mental health were not as widely discussed and supported as they are now, and the topic was still considered taboo by many, so we had to navigate through it entirely on our own.

While every grief is hard, and forces us to deal with the practicalities of death, bereavement by suicide adds some very particular extra dimensions and emotions into the mix – from dealing with local press, to the utterly awful and bewildering experience of an inquest.

All these years later, I am still haunted by what we went through. While I have managed to block many of the details from my mind, the emotions remain, and I can still remember how I felt on the day of the inquest, sat opposite the journalist who had hounded and bullied us during those first few weeks of grief, listening to the Coronor ask probing questions about Clare's life and the circumstances of her death.

Now, I am so relieved to see that the conversations around mental health are improving and there is much more support available to those who experience suicidal thoughts. However – there is still very little specific support available for those who are left behind.

Clare, like me, was a beach addict. Our family has always loved the sea, finding solace and joy in the sand and the waves.

Over the last few years, swimming has become my therapy. Providing a meditative space for me to clear my head, be at one with the water, and feel close to my beloved sister. This therapy has also introduced me to a wonderful community of swimmers – who each have their own stories and reasons for swimming, each finding peace and comfort in the water and each other. Through them, I’ve been introduced to more and more exciting (and somewhat terrifying!) adventures….

So that’s where I am now. A new adventure has been offered – to swim the 18ish miles from Jersey to France as part of a 2-person relay.

The swim follows the same rules and format as an English Channel swim (that’s next on the list… 😉), meaning no wetsuits, gloves or boots. Just a normal lycra swimsuit, goggles, and a silicone hat. Oh and a pilot boat to navigate us across the busy channel of water.

I’m trying not to think about the jellyfish, or having to swim in the dark in cold, choppy water, but I know that Clarey will be there with me to tickle my toes and keep me going in the harder moments.
I’ve always known that when I do a swim like this I’d like to use it to fundraise for charities that are close to our heart as a family. So there are two that I’ll be supporting. These are:

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (‘SOBS’), who provide practical and emotional support to families dealing with the loss of a loved one. They understand the pressures, emotions and how overwhelming and shattering it can all be.
And
The Coronor’s Court Support Service (CCSS)– who support families throughout the inquest process. This is a service I so wish we could have had all those years ago – perhaps it may have prevented just some of the trauma we experienced.

Both of these charities are tiny, receiving no government funding, and many people don’t even know they exist. I know times are tough, but charities like these really do appreciate every single penny. And if we can prevent even just one family from going through what we had to, then I know that Clare will have a legacy we can all be proud of.

• Just £11 will keep a National Support Line open for one full day to support survivors.
• £17 covers the cost of a SOBS group phone for one month.
• £50 keeps one of SOBS’ groups open for a monthly face to face meeting.
• £350 will train a volunteer to support families at the coronor's court during an inquest.

Your donation could ensure that a person or family don’t have to suffer alone.

Thanks for reading this far… for those interested I’ll be sharing my training journey and there will be a tracker link available on the day to follow us across the channel.

Thanks again,
With love, lycra and goggles,
Sam xx